“Cool in the Oakley Shades”

I have never been mistaken for Jack Nicholson, the eternally cool Hollywood legend who wears Oakley shadeds everywhere — even, I bet, in the bathroom — but I can imagine starring in this dramatic scene with my wife, Sue.

Still, I felt like Jack recently when I went shopping for a new pair of Oakley polarized sunglasses. I wanted to look cool for the upcoming summer season, something I couldn’t do in my previous sunglasses, which were old, scratched and misshapen. Then again, it could have been my head.

So I drove to a nearby mall and walked up to a kiosk store called the Oakley sun glasses Hut, where I was greeted by a very nice sales associate named Nicollette.

“May I help you?” she asked pleasantly.

“Yes,” I replied. “I want to look cool. You know, like Jack Nicholson.”

Possibly because she was about 20 years old, Nicollette didn’t know Jack. But she did know Oakley sunglasses cheap.

“What do you want them for?” she asked.

“This may sound crazy,” I replied, “but I want them to keep the sun out of my eyes.”

Nicollette patiently explained that some people wear Oakley sunglasses only for certain activities, such as driving. “If you want to wear them to the beach, don’t get Guccis,” Nicollette suggested.